he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
