She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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