im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
