Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
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I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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