you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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