You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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