today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
