We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sobbing to NWA
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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