I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
