I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
