When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
