Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
