R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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