shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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