i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
