I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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