Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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