a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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