Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

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  (734): I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue. http://tfl.nu/xccr
  Replies (8) Good night (1036) Bad night (3230)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.

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  (952): I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa. http://tfl.nu/1yb9
  Replies (98) Good night (3790) Bad night (798)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

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  (337): They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out. http://tfl.nu/7k9a
  Replies (11) Good night (5501) Bad night (753)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night

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  (773): Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night http://tfl.nu/fbj4
  Replies (18) Good night (1158) Bad night (4081)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  First class.

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  (609): Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass. (1-609): First class. http://tfl.nu/3mby
  Replies (16) Good night (4957) Bad night (703)
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  (760): View more from California

  i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous

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  (760): i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous http://tfl.nu/sccn
  Replies (25) Good night (742) Bad night (5281)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.

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  (314): No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone. http://tfl.nu/hhkp
  Replies (9) Good night (4062) Bad night (925)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy

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  (732): On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy http://tfl.nu/zv53
  Replies (57) Good night (5696) Bad night (867)
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  (661): View more from California

  I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.

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  (661): I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle. http://tfl.nu/b1qz
  Replies (5) Good night (1118) Bad night (2389)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet

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  (803): Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet http://tfl.nu/m2pn
  Replies (3) Good night (1436) Bad night (607)
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  (408): View more from California

  I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.

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  (408): I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate. http://tfl.nu/p4ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1136) Bad night (648)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti

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  (610): We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature (610): Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti http://tfl.nu/iam9
  Replies (1) Good night (1165) Bad night (598)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning

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  (816): took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning http://tfl.nu/ad92
  Replies (0) Good night (467) Bad night (337)
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  (714): View more from California

  Not my type, but the penis looks fun.

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  (714): Not my type, but the penis looks fun. http://tfl.nu/qaqx
  Replies (4) Good night (694) Bad night (323)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos

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  (620): There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos http://tfl.nu/lt0j
  Replies (1) Good night (357) Bad night (215)

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