called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.