good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever