the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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