i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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