Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
