Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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