Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I understand Curling. That high.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
