how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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