I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
