I accidentally burped into my bong.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Mom said you looked used
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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