I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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