shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
