I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
