After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
