No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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