the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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