nut hugger
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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