her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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