Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
