were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
