I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
