after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
there is glitter all over my balls
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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