I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
