I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
