i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
