Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
