Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
