She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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