when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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