Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
