ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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