rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
