there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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