And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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