there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
