my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
