One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
