Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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