i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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