i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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