Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize