Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
