i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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