he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
