He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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