you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
