Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wanna go halves on a baby?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
