I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
