Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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