i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
