friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
