is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
